the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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