Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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