Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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