I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
