New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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