My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
