if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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