I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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