I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
