In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
