So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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