I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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