So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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