put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
