Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
