lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
