just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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