It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
