her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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