we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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