I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
