You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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