U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
