Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
