peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
