Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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