Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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