I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
