People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
