I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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