I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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