Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
