dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The power of my boobs compel you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
