when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
