do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
