Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Come see our sink grown plant.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
