He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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