i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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