Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
