he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
