how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
