gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
