How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
