Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
