I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
