Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
