I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
