and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
