I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
