i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
