I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
